Of all the letters in the LGBTQ+ acronym, the “A” may be the least understood. For asexual and aromantic students — those who experience little or no sexual attraction, romantic attraction, or both — the college experience comes with particular challenges that campus resources rarely address.
Asexual students navigate a hypersexualized campus culture that treats sexual activity as a marker of normal development. Aromantic students navigate social structures built around romantic coupling, from dating app culture to the assumption that everyone wants a partner. Both groups often feel invisible — even, sometimes especially, in LGBTQ+ spaces that are supposed to include them.
The Basics
Asexuality and aromanticism exist on spectrums, and the terminology matters:
- Asexual people experience little or no sexual attraction. Some are sex-repulsed; others are sex-neutral or sex-favorable. Attraction and behavior are different things.
- Aromantic people experience little or no romantic attraction. Some want partnerships that aren’t romantic; others don’t want partnerships at all.
- Demisexual and demiromantic people experience attraction only after forming an emotional connection.
- Gray-asexual and gray-aromantic people experience attraction rarely or under specific circumstances.
These identities are often invisible because they’re defined by absence rather than presence. It’s harder to notice what isn’t there than what is.
The Campus Experience
Ace and aro students report several recurring challenges:
The relationship assumption. Campus life is saturated with the assumption that everyone is either in a relationship, looking for one, or recovering from one. Housing processes assume romantic partners. Social events center on dating or coupling. Wellness programming addresses sexual health without acknowledging that some students aren’t sexually active and don’t plan to be. None of this is malicious, but the cumulative effect is alienating.
The “haven’t met the right person” response. When ace and aro students disclose their identity, they frequently hear variations of: “You just haven’t met the right person yet,” “That’s sad,” or “Are you sure it’s not trauma?” These responses — from peers, sometimes from counselors, occasionally from healthcare providers — invalidate the identity rather than accepting it.
Invisibility within LGBTQ+ spaces. Despite the “A” in the acronym, asexual and aromantic students often feel unwelcome in LGBTQ+ spaces that center on sexual identity in ways that exclude them. Pride events that emphasize sexual liberation, discussion groups that revolve around dating and relationships, and community norms that treat celibacy as something to overcome — all can make ace and aro students feel like they don’t quite belong.
Medical invalidation. Healthcare providers may pathologize lack of sexual desire, treating it as a symptom of depression, hormonal imbalance, or trauma rather than a valid orientation. For ace students seeking general healthcare, the assumption that everyone is or should be sexually active can lead to irrelevant questions, unnecessary tests, and a sense of being fundamentally misunderstood.
Finding and Building Community
Despite the challenges, ace and aro community is growing on college campuses:
AVEN (Asexual Visibility and Education Network) maintains online forums that serve as a primary community hub. Many campus ace/aro groups start when students find each other through AVEN and decide to meet in person.
Campus LGBTQ+ centers are increasingly including ace and aro identities in their programming and training. The inclusion is uneven — some centers do this well; others still operate as though “LGBTQ+” means “lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender, plus people who have sex in unconventional ways.” If your campus center falls into the latter category, advocating for ace/aro inclusion is both reasonable and important.
Ace/aro student organizations are forming at a growing number of universities. These groups provide what ace and aro students often lack elsewhere: spaces where their identity is the norm, not the exception. Aro Ace Week (the last full week of October) has become a rallying point for visibility and community building.
Online spaces remain essential. For students at campuses without formal ace/aro community, Reddit communities (r/asexuality, r/aromantic), Discord servers, and Tumblr networks provide connection across geography. The online ace community is one of the most developed identity communities on the internet — a function of how geographically dispersed ace people are and how important digital connection has been to community formation.
What Allies Can Do
For LGBTQ+ spaces, campus wellness programs, and individual allies, supporting ace and aro students means:
Include the A. When listing identities, don’t stop at “LGBT.” Say “LGBTQ+” and mean it. Include ace and aro experiences in programming, not as an afterthought but as part of the community.
Stop assuming. Don’t assume everyone dates. Don’t assume everyone has sex. Don’t assume that a lack of romantic or sexual experience is a problem to be solved. Build events that don’t center on coupling and spaces where single people aren’t treated as incomplete.
Believe people when they tell you who they are. “I’m asexual” is a complete statement, not an invitation to debate. The most affirming thing you can say is “okay, thanks for telling me” — and then move on.
Educate yourself. Read about asexuality and aromanticism from ace and aro writers. The Asexual Visibility and Education Network (asexuality.org) is a good place to start. Don’t make ace and aro students in your life responsible for your education.
Ace and aro students aren’t broken versions of allosexual people. They aren’t late bloomers or traumatized or repressed. They’re people with a valid orientation that deserves recognition, respect, and community — the same things every student deserves.
